Has it really been 2 months?!?!

Oh my god. I just looked at my blog and saw my last post was from August 22. WHAT. First off, I want to apologize for being so absent, but I’ve been going through some stuff.

I’ve kind of been avoiding my blog. I know, I suck. But I’ve been having a really tough time these past two months. I’ve been clobbered with school work and my job. I’ve been so stressed out and feel like I have no time to do anything for myself. I have adopted a really nasty way to cope with all this stress, unfortunately. I have developed BED (Binge Eating Disorder). It’s kind of ironic, isn’t it? I’m claiming to be a “healthy living blogger” yet I have dabbled with orthorexia and now this. Although I’m embarrassed (and have gained about 10 pounds in the last 3 months), I’m swallowing my pride because I need help and advice from you guys, please!

At first, my binges were more sporadic and random. I didn’t think anything of it. But lately, it has been happening a few times a week, typically at night. When I come home from work, I have no self control and eat until I’m so full that I feel nauseous. And then of course, I feel disgusting and bloated. Every time I binge I think about how gross I feel and tell myself that it won’t happen again; yet, in the next few days it happens again, and the cycle continues. My trigger foods are cereal with milk and peanut butter. Kinda weird, I know.

Anyways, I just wanted to update you guys. I’m going to start writing posts again because I miss you guys! And maybe you guys can help me get through this.

Talk to you again soon. I promise. 

xoxo

Follow me on instagram: Shmann1ng

WIAW: First day of class

Today was my first day of class at a new community college that I’ve never attended before. I’m still going to be going to the one that I went to last year, but that college doesn’t start until the 29th of August. I’m only taking one class at the other community college that started today. I am so excited! That’s really weird and nerdy of me, I know. Is it strange that I actually look forward to learning and going to classes? Probably. And I’ll probably even think that  I am weird for writing this when I have 4 term papers and 6 tests to study for in about a month. But for now, I’m looking forward to it, especially the class that I started today which is a nutritional science class. I literally shrieked out loud when I saw the books I needed for the class because they looked right up my alley. Again, I’m bizarre, but I’m okay with that.

Also, today is Wednesday! AKA it’s WIAW. Thanks to Jenn for hosting every week! Okay, I think that’s enough, between new textbooks and WIAW, I’ve had plenty of excitement for the day 😉

For breakfast (9:00 AM), I had a large bowl of Fiber One Nutty Clusters & Almonds with Almond milk and a bowl of (unpictured) Fage Greek yogurt. Fiber one just came out with this cereal and it’s SO good. I love it so much. And it has 11 grams of fiber per 1 cup serving.Image

My only complaint would be for there to be more almonds, but it’s still frickin’ amazing. Here’s a closeup:Image

I decided to head to the gym for a yoga class that went from 10:00-11:00 AM. So relaxing yet challenging. I also did about 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill and some strength training for my legs. I also hit up Target after the gym to get a new yoga mat and some new $5 tank tops 😀 After getting home and showering, I was super hungry.

My post-workout lunch (12:30 PM) was a massive 3 egg white and 1 whole egg omelette with swiss cheese, spinach and mushrooms. That’s about 25 grams of protein just from the eggs and about 8 more grams of protein from the cheese, exactly what my body needed. I was planning to put in red bell peppers also but ended up eating the pepper in it’s entirety while cooking the omelette. Whatevs. I also had a sandwich thin topped with avocado and an (unpictured) HUGE Red Delicious apple. Like seriously this thing was ginormous. Oh and I had a square of Lindt 90% Cacao chocolate as well 😉 I can’t resist it.

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Before leaving for class, I needed to fuel up again.  Did I mention my class is from 6-9 PM? Kind of shitty hours. My afternoon snack (4:30 PM) was a bowl full of oat bran mixed with lots of cinnamon, walnuts, and a tad of stevia. The fiber and the fact that the carbs in oat bran are slowly released into the bloodstream kept me full until I was able to eat again at around 9:30 PM.

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Dinner was eaten late (about 9:30 PM). I had my usual big bowl of veggies with grains and either black beans or meatless meatballs. Today my grain of choice was bulgur and I mixed that with Trader Joe’s meatless meatballs. nomnomnomImage

My favorites: ABC’s

I just saw this little survey on Hilary’s page and thought it sounded fun, so I’m gonna give it a go.

The rules are to list one of your favorite things that corresponds to each letter of the alphabet. Super easy.

A- Adele. Her music, anywhere, anytime. Her voice is equivalent to an angel’s.

B- bodypump! My favorite class at the gym. I feel like such a beast (in a good way) while taking that class.

C- cereal. My go-to breakfast every morning. I can eat cereal at any time of the day, it’s always good.

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D-dark chocolate. I eat 90% cacao dark chocolate. every. single. day. At first, I thought it was tasteless, but as I got used to it, I became obsessed with it.

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E- endorphins you get after exercise. Seriously, the best feeling in the world is after a good workout.

F-farmers markets. Absolutely love them, even if I don’t buy anything, I just love the atmosphere and looking at all the food.

G- group fitness classes. Working out in a group really motivates me.

H-holidays. (especially Christmas) I love how everything is decorated and the feeling of being with family around the holidays.

I- iphone. k so I don’t actually have one. But, when the iphone 5 comes out, you best believe that I’ll be buying one.

J- jingle bells. Not actually a favorite of mine, but I’m trying to say that I love christmas songs. Only because that means that its christmastime.

K- kids. sounds very pedophiliac, I know. I love their innocent minds.

L- laughing. 

M- mommy. My mom is my best friend, she’s the greatest woman ever.

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N- nutrition. sounds vague, but what I mean is I love reading the latest info regarding nutrition.

O- oatmeal or oat bran. 

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P- pumpkins. For eating them or just for looking at. I just love them.

Q- quinoa. my favorite whole grain because it is a source of complete protein and is delicious.

R-rain. There is nothing better than a rainy day where you don’t have to go anywhere or do anything and can just sit indoors while it is pouring outside.

S- scarves. Perfect accessory to complete a wintery outfit.

T- tortillas. Perfect for burritos, quesadillas, wraps. 

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U-Urban Outfitters. Enough said.

V- volunteering. I volunteer at a hospital and love it. It feels so good to help out.

W-walking. I mean I’m pretty sure everyone loves the ability to walk, but I’m talking about walking in the sense of taking long walks for exercise and to clear the mind. I take long walks pretty much every night with my mom and we just talk about everything, I love them.

X- xercise (see what I did there?) 

Y-yellow. My favorite color because it’s so bright and happy.

Z- zoos. I love animals. yeah, I’m also 5 years old.

Do we have any of the same favorite things?

Gettin’ Personal

This is going to be the most personal post that I’ve done yet. It may even be TMI, but I’m just going to let it out in the open. No shame. I want to talk about my weight struggles and the effects of that.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be smaller. Most of my friends were these petite little things and I always wished I was petite, too. Even from a young age, I wasn’t happy with my body. In March of 2011, I started calorie counting. Finally. I had found something that helped me lose weight. I lost about 30 pounds in the next few months, and continued to calorie count to maintain that weight loss. I felt great because I could finally wear a size S or sometimes even XS. And I actually wore one of my petite friends outfits when we went out one night. That was definitely a moment of glory for me.

It all sounds fine and dandy. But I was eating dangerously low amounts of food. I would eat pretty much the same thing everyday and never stray in order to keep that count right. My calorie levels were usually between 1000-1200 calories a day and combine those low numbers with intense workouts. Yeah, I know how bad that is now. It’s no wonder I was losing weight, I was starving my body.

I gradually started to increase my calorie count back up and eventually reached 1800 calories a day, which is still kind of low. But I was terrified of gaining the weight back. (I was never at an unhealthy weight, I’m 5’6 and my lowest weight was 127). Earlier this year, I grew really sick and tired of counting calories and of being so strict about what I ate. I missed spontaneity and hanging out with friends. So I made myself try and stop counting calories at the start of summer and told myself to just listen to my body. For the first couple days, this was great. I felt so free. Then I started eating a lot. Ugh.

Which brings us to now, I recently started counting calories again but doing rough estimates instead of exact numbers. I know, I know. I’ve fallen back into my old ways. I’ve gained 9 pounds since the start of summer and have been bingeing a lot, so I need to hopefully keep myself in check somehow.

When I started counting calories, I lost more than weight. I also lost my period (Amenhorrea). I figured that it would just come back naturally after my body adjusted to the weight loss. So I kept waiting. and still am, to this day. A little less than a month ago, I finally decided to go to a gynecologist to see what was wrong. She said my weight/ body fat levels were normal, but that my estrogen seemed slightly low. She put me on birth control, which has made me ravenous. It was weird because for the first couple days, I had no appetite, but now I can’t be tamed. It’s insane. This doesn’t help my case at all because all I want to do is eat. I want my period back ( I haven’t had it for about a year and a half) and to feel like a normal girl again but I don’t want to gain weight.

This is probably waaaay more info that you guys ever would have wanted but I just thought I’d share with you what I’m dealing with now.

If any of you have dealt with a loss of period or anything similar to my story, please share. I’d love to hear it.

5 thoughts from this Thursday

1. I have been SO damn hungry the past few weeks. I’m attributing this crazy hunger to the stress from my new job. But seriously, I eat and eat and eat and still don’t feel satisfied. and then I get pissed at myself for eating so much, which stresses me out even more, so naturally, I eat more. It’s an extremely vicious cycle, and it needs to end.

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2. It’s too hot to do anything. I need Fall. now. I’m a little too excited for cold (AKA 60 degree) weather, pumpkin scented things, the holidays, and wearing sweaters, boots, and scarves. Here is the forecast for the next 6 days. Barf.

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3. I have just started reading “Food and Loathing: A Lament”. So far, it’s really good. It’s about a woman who has struggled with her weight all her life (including binge eating and practically starving herself along with yo-yo dieting) and formerly believed that being skinny was the way to perfection. I checked it out from the library yesterday and am on page 76 already.

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4. I am going to be attending two different community colleges this year. I am only taking one class at one of the colleges, which starts this wednesday! Is it weird that I’m actually looking forward to taking that class (a nutritional science class)?!! I guess I’m a nerd. I’m not going to be so excited when my 5 other classes start at my other community college. But for 2 weeks or so, the nutritional science class will be my main focus which will be nice.

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5. I just bought “Your Shape: Fitness Evolved 2012” for Kinect on the Xbox 360. I was kind of skeptical that a game could actually make me sweat. Boy, was I wrong. Some of those workouts are super intense. My faves are the bootcamp, kickboxing, and run the world workouts. I haven’t tried all the workouts yet because there are A LOT, but I’m excited to. They have everything from yoga to hip hop dancing to jump roping to workouts targeting specific areas (butt, legs, arms, abs, etc). I’m actually pretty sore today from it.  I’lI do a more thorough review after I have tried more of the workouts. So far, I really like it.

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WIAW- Nothing more, nothing less.

No introduction is really needed for this because it’s WIAW! Woohoo!

If you want to join in on the fun, go visit Jenn’s page.

Breakfast: A big bowl of Kashi mixed with All Bran cereal & Almond Milk, and a bowl of Fage Greek yogurt.

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Lunch: I have literally eaten this sandwich for the past 4 days. It is perfection. Toasted Oroweat 10 grain bread with spicy red pepper hummus, swiss cheese, avacado and spinach. Also, a chopped pear and a couple squares of Lindt 90% Cacao.ImageImageImage

Afternoon Snack: A (very watery) bowl of oatmeal with banana mixed in

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Dinner : A recycled picture, but my dinners are always similar but just with different grains. Last nights grain was whole wheat pearl cous cous mixed with my typical veggies and vegetarian meatballs.

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Have a nice Wednesday, everybody! 😀

Thursday Things

I feel like I haven’t done an actual post in a while. Here are some of my thoughts on this lovely thursday (mainly about my new job as a waitress at a senior living facility, sorry to bore you)

1. I have Wednesday and Thursdays off from work. Yay. I woke up on Wednesday morning with a raging sore throat and no voice. That would happen to me. Soo for the past two days, echinacea tea, menthol cough drops and I have been BFF’s. We’re the three best friends that anyone could have (Ha)

2. I have been having nightmares about the residents that I serve yelling at me for more butter or for not toasting their bread dark enough. Seriously though, those old people are really intimidating.

3. Why are the old ladies constantly trying to set me up with someone? Do I look like I need that much help? Geez.

Here’s an example:

“How old are you, dolly?”

Me: “19”

“Oh, well that’s waay too young for my son and a little too young for my grandson, but I can introduce you anyway.”

Me: awkwardly laugh and walk away.

Another lady actually flagged me down (while carrying a full tray on my way back to the kitchen) and made me meet her middle-aged son. Her son then proceeded to tell her how busy I was and that I don’t have time for this right now. Thanks for that, son.

And yet another lady, one who claimed she was going to adopt me because I’m such a “cutie” (that’s debatable), was telling me how shocked she was that I didn’t have a boyfriend and that she can help me find one. Her friend then gave me a long lecture about how important it is to be independent. And then started talking about how important it is to go to school…I hear ya.

Needless to say, my daily conversations with these people are very amusing.

4. Just because you are older than me does not mean that I am your slave and forever indebted to you. So please, do not yell “Shelby!” across the dining hall because you need me to get you some applesauce stat while I’m in the midst of taking someone else’s order. You’d be suprised how much this actually happens. Also, don’t stop me on my way to deliver food to a table to ask if there is a school called “Shelby”. Can’t that wait for another time?

5. I just ordered 5 items from Urban Outfitters for $60. Hell yes. Added bonus: If you spend over $50, free shipping!

-a high waisted tribal print skirt ($9.99) Sparkle & Fade Intarsia Skirt

-a hair wrap ($9.99) Chiffon Hair Scarf

-sandals ($12.99) Ecote Breezy Suede Thong Sandal

-a tube top ($9.99) Lucca Couture Twisted Strapless Top

-a slouchy beanie ($16.99) Pins And Needles Slouchy Crochet Beret

It’s hard to believe that the most expensive thing I bought was a beanie…I love me some good deals.

6. What is the purpose of leaf blowers? Other than being the most annoying things ever. Like seriously, you have a clean yard for about a minute and then the wind blows the leaves back. I’m sitting outside while typing this, that’s what this thought came to mind.

7. I’m really hoping that by 4 PM tomorrow, I will have gotten my voice back. I really, really don’t want to have to call in sick at work after only being working for about 2 weeks. That just seems shady.

Funny Get Well Ecard: Sorry your sick day is due to actual sickness.

ImageMy brother and I in our work uniforms with our papa.

Have a nice thursday, everyone!